Earlier this year we were quoted in this article on  fabulousliving on etiquette for same sex weddings or commitment ceremonies.  I wanted to share with our readers the other etiquette suggestions that were made that didn’t make it into the article.  Also, we would love to hear your feedback regarding etiquette for same sex weddings are we off base on some of our recommendations or do you have any ideas that we missed?  Leave a comment below or on Facebook.

Red Letter Event Planning’s Etiquette Tips for Same Sex Weddings

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi on their wedding day

The great thing about etiquette is that it translates across every social situation.  A same sex marriage should employ the same etiquette as any other wedding, namely be a gracious guest: don’t complain, don’t overdrink, be happy for the couple.

That being said, same sex marriage does have a political component that cannot be ignored.  I hope this list of do’s and don’ts is helpful for those attending a same sex wedding but also can be used by guests attending any wedding.

Don’t ignore the invitation, RSVP in the requested time period whether you will attend or not.  If you are choosing not to attend because you are not supportive of the union keep that to your self and just send RSVP that says you will not be attending.

Don’t say to the couple anytime during the planning “maybe sometime soon the government will recognize this as a real wedding/marriage” This is very real to the two people getting married otherwise they would not spend the time and expense of hosting you and the other guests.

Do show up on time if the ceremony starts at 5:00 pm arrive 10-15 minutes before the start. Even if the event is in a non traditional location it is very important to be timely.

Do dress appropriately-take into consideration the location, time of year and style of the wedding (which you can ascertain by talking to the couple or even from the invitation)

Don’t WEAR WHITE: even if the couple are two males wearing white will draw attention to you, and you are NOT the center of attention for the day the happy couple is. Unless of course the theme of the wedding is a black and white party!

Do be sensitive to the gender of the couple. Don’t buy a card that has a picture of a bride and groom on it instead seek out cards/acknowledgements that recognize the gender of the couple. Independent card stores and internet companies carry them. 

Don’t be a paparazzi even if this is the first same sex wedding you have attended and you want to document every minute  the couple most likely hired a professional photographer to take pictures don’t get in their way and keep picture taking to a minimum you can always buy the pictures or get copies from the couple after the event.

Don’t bother the couple with petty complaints such as the room is too cold or your entrée tastes too fishy.  This is not a dinner party they are hosting this is their wedding and they should enjoy every moment.  If you must address any concerns seek out their wedding planner if they have one or catering/venue staff

Don’t share your political views with your tablemates or other guests.  No matter how you feel about same sex unions you have tacitly given your support by attending the wedding. You do not have to preach the pros and cons to anyone who will listen.  This is a CELEBRATION-have a glass of wine, enjoy the food and get on the dance floor and have fun-politics can wait until another day.

Till next time I hope your next special event is a Red Letter Day